Sexy TIMES
 


Welcome to Sexy TIMES!

This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved.

Our mission is to put the facts in the public domain!

Please feel free to write a letter to the editor at LETTERS TO THE EDITOR.

Back issues of Sexy TIMES are available at INDEX OF BACK ISSUES


Sexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq.
Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch
Sexy TIMES executive designer: [blog cherimore]

The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism.
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Posted:Nov 25, 2012 7:42 am
Last Updated:Sep 12, 2021 6:00 am
921533 Views


This is Sexy TIMES’ letters page.

Please feel free to post a letter to the editor, whether it is to say hello, to make an observation, to make a request, to issue a statement or even to make a complaint!

All letters will be printed, and all letters will be answered.
84 Comments
EMOJI USERS HAVE MORE SEX
Posted:Sep 17, 2021 10:14 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2021 11:13 am
729 Views


This site is infringing my human rights, particularly my human right to communicate. For a few weeks now, I’ve been unable to add emojis on my blog posts and comments because of some glitch on the site!

An emoji is a graphical representation of words developed as an alternative way to communicate. The word 'emoji' stems from the Japanese language and can be translated as 'picture character'; the meaning of emoji has nothing do with the word 'emotion'.

When emojis became popular, I thought I’d never use them. I thought they were just a gimmick for . But I do use emojis on this site. I use emojis here to signify that I’m trying be friendly or humorous just in case my attempts at being friendly or humorous aren’t understood.

Back to the site’s infringement of my human rights. A recent academic study found that people who regularly use emojis have more sex than those who don’t. I haven’t had sex since I haven’t been allowed to use emojis on this site. The site is denying my human right to have sex!


Do you regularly use emojis?
If you use emojis, have you have had more sex?
Where can I find the codes on this site to manually insert emoji?


I hope you’ll sign the petition inside demanding that the site reinstates my emojis. This is all about my basic human rights. I need to communicate and I need to have sex!

10 Comments
R STANDS FOR ROGER
Posted:Sep 15, 2021 9:24 am
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2021 12:42 am
1757 Views


R stands for Roger. Not Roger Moore, not Roger Daltrey, not Roger Black, not Roger Hunt and not Roger Federer. No, R stands for Roger Ing.

Roger Ing was a pet given by a past girlfriend - well, was more of a friends-with-benefits than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

She would often late at night say that she wanted a good rogering. That was my invitation go round her house, just a short walk away. She would always leave her front door unlocked. I would just walk in, lock the door behind , strip naked, go upstairs, walk into her bedroom, and her hard.

If she was naked kneeling the bed, was be a doggy-style rogering; and if she was naked lying down with legs apart, it was be a piledriver-style rogering!

Since those days I’ve always liked rogering a term describe having sex. Other terms I use for having sex are fucking and shagging.


Have you ever been given a pet ?
Do you enjoy rogering or being rogered?
What terms do you use for having sex?


At school, having off was a popular term for having sex.

R also stands for rumpy-pumpy! In jest I will ask my wife if she fancies some rumpy-pumpy. She laughs at me but I do get rumpy-pumpy.


24 Comments
ANYONE FOR DP?
Posted:Sep 13, 2021 12:08 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2021 1:34 pm
2243 Views


DP - or double penetration - is something that I haven’t done but that I'd very much like to do. I’ve had many threesomes, foursomes and moresomes but never has double penetration been involved.

In my swinging days, there was one time in my lounge where my then partner was fucking a man when she suggested that I join in for double penetration. I didn’t for some reason, probably because I wasn’t that keen on the other man. He always like to come across as a super-stud or maybe I didn’t like the competition!

At my last sex party, on entering a bedroom I saw (and heard) a woman being double-penetrated. They looked as if they were all having a lot of fun!


Have you engaged in double penetration? If so, what was it like?
If offered double penetration, would you be up for it?
What acts that you've not done would you’d like most to do?


I’d be very interested to hear from those who have tried double penetration what it’s like … my curiosity is fuelled purely out of scientific research and not prurient titillation!

What’s the best position for double penetration? Do the men feel each other’s cocks? Do the men have to synchronise their thrusts? Do the men's balls collide in their thrusts? How does the woman orchestrate the moves? What happens if the men don’t more-or-less cum at the same time? Is the woman’s orgasm more intense? There are so many questions that need answers!

Below are the four positions for deep penetration that I can think of.








37 Comments
FRIDAY IS A FUNNY DAY
Posted:Sep 10, 2021 11:44 am
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2021 12:11 pm
3055 Views


Friday is my favourite day of the week. It’s the start of the weekend! But I don’t understand why I still like Fridays and why I still don’t like Mondays as I’m now retired from work. Each day is the same for me now; my week is just seven groundhog days!

My Mum never believed that my bike was made of spaghetti until I went pasta. But she did tell me how a duck can be turned into a soul singer; just put the duck in a microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

Last week I went to space but I came back early because there was no atmosphere.

Yesterday I went to the doctor with sticks of carrots in my ears and up my nostrils. When I told the doctor that I wasn’t feeling very well, he said that he wasn’t surprised because I wasn’t eating properly.

On coming back from the doctor’s, I saw a hedgehog cross the road. I asked him why he was crossing the road. He replied that he wanted to see his flatmate. And then I saw a magic ambulance; it turned into a hospital.

Last night, I met up with my friend - named Tony because he has no shins - in a nearby bar. Tony was complaining that a bird always craps on his car windscreen. I suggested that he shouldn’t ask her out for a date again.

Today I realised that I only know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don’t know Y.


Do you have a favourite joke?
How would you describe your sense of humour?


My friends have told me that I have a quirky, offbeat and childish sense of humour. Generally, I don’t like jokes that make stereotypical assumptions about groups of people (eg dumb blonde jokes). I like jokes that take you one way and then end in another way. ' jokes are often the jokes!

Almost everyone says that they have a good sense of humour, but that just can’t be true!
















23 Comments
MY LIFE THROUGH BOOKS
Posted:Sep 8, 2021 9:20 am
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2021 8:01 am
2738 Views


I’ve always been a keen reader of books, magazines, newspapers and comics.

When I was a , I loved reading Anthony Buckeridge’s books on Jennings, a boarding school boy whose time at school was nothing like my time at boarding school. Jennings was never once bothered by predatory teachers!

In my late teens I read many novels. In particular, I read a lot of existential novels, such as Jean-Paul Sartre’s Nausea, about the meaning or rather the lack of meaning in life. I realised after reading these books that there was no meaning other than what we sense ourselves. At this stage in my life I stopped trying to find the point to life and just to get on with life by enjoying things at best or surviving things at worst.

A book I like giving to people, whether or adults, is Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull. can read the book as about a seagull wanting to fly faster and higher; and grown-ups can read it as about chasing their dreams.

George Orwell was one of my favourite authors. I loved his fiction, such as Keep the Aspidistra Flying and Animal Farm, as well as his non-fiction, especially Homage to Catalonia about the Spanish Civil War.

As a student, I read a lot of books on politics, sociology, economics, history, philosophy and psychology. This reading never stopped until I took retirement from my job as a university lecturer. For about 40 years, I just read about politics. My two favourite academic books are Michael Oakeshott’s Rationalism in Politics and Other Essays and John Gray’s Straw Dogs; both books argue that human understanding of the world is very limited and often flawed.

After retirement, I thought I’d get back to reading novels. But that hasn’t happened. I’m still reading books about politics, plus a few books on the Tour de France. One of the most recent books I very much enjoyed reading was Bob Woodward’s Fear about Donald Trump.


Do you enjoy reading books?
If so, what sort of books do you like reading?
And what’s the best book you’ve read?


Inside is my favourite quote of all time. It’s written by Michael Oakeshott, a conservative philosopher. Though no conservative, I always read out this quote to my students to warn them that they’ll get no answers about political life in my class!















27 Comments
I WENT YEARS WITHOUT SEX
Posted:Sep 6, 2021 11:28 am
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2021 6:09 am
3450 Views


Yes, I went years and years without sex. To be precise, I went 18 years without sex until I lost my virginity!

As a result of going to all boys boarding school, I was relatively late in losing my virginity. However, it was a very memorable experience. Not because I had got that monkey off my back, but because my then girlfriend’s mother walked into the bedroom as we were having sex. As soon as she entered the bedroom, I got up from the missionary position and hurriedly hid behind the bed.

Fortunately, my girlfriend’s mother was drunk and when she said to my girlfriend that she thought that she saw me, my girlfriend just denied what she saw and told her that she was seeing things as she was tipsy. After she left the bedroom, I had to silently creep out of the house unseen.

When I got home, after a half-hour car drive, I stripped naked to have my first look at my non-virginal body in my bedroom. Though my body still looked the same, I knew I was no longer a virgin.

I lost my virginity to another virgin, which probably explains the missionary position. I’m now wondering whether people lose their virginity by having doggy sex or cowgirl sex.


If not a virgin, at what age did you lose your virginity?
Was losing your virginity a good, bad or indifferent experience?
Since losing your virginity, what’s the longest period of time you’ve gone without sex?


The longest time I’ve gone without sex since losing my virginity was about two years in my early twenties. I’d like to say it was through wilful choice but it was in fact through lack of opportunity!







37 Comments
AT THE ZOO
Posted:Sep 4, 2021 6:44 am
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2021 12:11 pm
4106 Views


After watching a lot of television and binging on nature documentaries about a pride of lions, a caravan of camels, a troop of monkeys, a school of whales, a pod of dolphins, a nest of snakes, a gaggle of geese and a colony of termites, I decided to visit a zoo.

On entering the zoo, I immediately saw a band of gorillas and a flange of baboons on the right, and I saw an ambush of tigers and a coalition of cheetahs on the left.

Further into the zoo, in its reptile corner, I came across a congregation of alligators and a bask of crocodiles in the pool. I then was drawn to a quiver of cobra snakes and a rhumba of rattlesnakes. There was also a mess of iguanas, a camp of chameleons, a knot of toads, an army of frogs and a hood of snails. I thought it was strange that the snails were housed in the zoo’s reptile corner.

In a large fenced field, a dazzle of zebras, an implausibility of gnus and a mob of kangaroos were grazing on the grass and a memory of elephants and a tower of giraffes were eating the leaves off the trees.

In a neighbouring field with a big, muddy pond, an obstinacy of buffalos, a crash of rhinoceroses and a bloat of hippopotamuses were wallowing in the mud.

Next was a visit to the zoo’s aquarium where I saw a shiver of sharks, a family of sardines, a risk of lobsters, a consortium of octopuses, an audience of squids, a smack of jellyfish and a bed of oysters.

On leaving the aquarium, there was an enclosure where a sleuth of bears was eyeing the crowd and an embarrassment of panda bears was busy chewing bamboo.

After a coffee at the zoo’s café, I walked to a set of enclosures containing a conspiracy of porcupines, a wisdom of wombats, a candle of anteaters, a committee of mongooses, a surfeit of skunks, a scurry of squirrels, a sounder of boar and a fluffle of rabbits. The enclosure housing a cauldron of bats was disappointingly quiet as it was daytime. But the enclosure homing a romp of otters was a treat to watch; I wanted to romp with them!

En route to the zoo’s aviary, I passed an enclosed pool with a huddle of walruses basking in the sun. Just outside the aviary, there was several enclosed pools with a parcel of penguins waddling around, a flamboyance of flamingos preening and a siege of herons watching for fish and a bevy of swans making a lot of noise.

Inside the aviary, I saw a pandemonium of parrots, a shock of cassowaries, a convocation of eagles, a boil of hawks, a parliament of owls, a deceit of lapwings, a charm of finches, a party of jays, a quarrel of sparrows, a murder of crows, an unkindness of ravens and a gulp of magpies.

Finally, near the zoo’s exit, I entered the insect house where I encountered a kaleidoscope of butterflies, a bike of ants, a clutter of spiders, a rabble of bees and a business of flies.

On driving back home from the zoo, I witnessed a murmuration of starlings and on reaching home I was greeted by a peep of chickens and a glaring of cats. Inside my home, a harem of women was waiting naked to tend to my needs!

A murmuration of starlings at dusk is a wonderful sight to behold; photographs don’t do justice to the constantly moving birds performing a coordinated and complicated manoeuvre.


When did you last go to the zoo? And what zoo did you visit?
What are your favourite zoo animals?


My last trip to the zoo was about three years ago when I visited London zoo. My favourite zoo animals are penguins. I just love how they strut their stuff!

PS. This was supposed be a short post just about an embarrassment of panda bears, but I got carried away with all the strange names of different groups of animals!


a romp of otters:


a parcel of penguins:


a murmuration of starlings:
31 Comments
WHEREVER I LAY MY HAT
Posted:Sep 1, 2021 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2021 2:59 pm
4345 Views




My favourite hat is a fur hat, well it’s a faux fur hat. When I wear the hat, I pretend that I'm a Russian fighter pilot. In truth I probably look like a cocker spaniel but that never stops me pretending!

While pretending to be a Russian airman, I imagine that I’m flying my MiG-21 jet fighter over the Russian steppe for a tryst with my voluptuous girlfriend. I'm a dreamer!


Do you regularly wear a hat?
If so, what’s your favourite hat?
Have you ever had sex while just wearing a hat?


I only wear a hat when it’s very cold or when it's very hot. When cold, the fake fur hat comes out. And when hot, a shabby grey hat is donned; with this hat on, I pretend be a scally even though my scouse (that is, a Liverpudlian or Liverpool) accent is dreadful! As I said, I'm a dreamer.

I’ve never just worn a hat while having sex. It’s a bit like just wearing socks or just wearing a watch when having sex; it’s just not right. Though I think more women would want sex with me if I wore some of the hats below!














36 Comments
I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHADES
Posted:Aug 30, 2021 12:08 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:40 am
4967 Views


Now summer’s drawing in, well at least where I live in England, my only pair of sunglasses will be returned to the bottom drawer.

To me, people always seem to look cooler and sexier in sunglasses. This strikes me as a little odd as sunglasses hide a person’s eyes. I often like to look at someone’s eyes, especially if I’m attracted to them. According to William Shakespeare, eyes “are the windows to your soul.”


Do you look sexier with your sunglasses on?
Have you ever had sex with your sunglasses on?
How many of the eight celebrities wearing sunglasses below can you name?


A top prize will be awarded to the person who correctly identifies the most celebrities below!

CELEBRITY A:


CELEBRITY B:


CELEBRITY C:


CELEBRITY D:


CELEBRITY E:


CELEBRITY F:


CELEBRITY G:


CELEBRITY H:
33 Comments
LOVE, COCK, WEAR, PARTY AND LONDON
Posted:Aug 27, 2021 11:27 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:39 am
5384 Views


I just did a search of keywords my blog. Love, cock, wear, party and London are the five most used words in my blog posts.

The top 25 words that appear the most on my blog are, in order of frequency: love, cock, wear, party, London, America, food, music, water, members, England, English, team, head, death, group, photograph, famous, giving, police, balls, black, penis, third, and queen.

I’m a little surprised at what the keyword search threw up.

I’m not a romantic for love to be top of the list but I guess I must write that I love white wine, Indian curry and Leeds United a lot! Though I have a cock, I didn’t realise that I write about cocks so much. And I haven’t got a clue why wear appears so much in my posts, but I'm now going to be wary about writing that word again! Party I can understand because I have blogged about sex parties quite a bit. But London just doesn’t make sense as I don’t live anywhere near the city.


What words would you have thought I’d most use on my blog?
If you blog, what are your most used words in your posts?


I’m also surprised at the words that didn’t feature at the top of the list. There’s no wine, no beer, no curry, no football and no fuck! And there’s no sex, no boobs, no pussy, no bum and no doggy!

17 Comments
A DOUBLE ENTENDRE COCKTAIL
Posted:Aug 25, 2021 6:02 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:39 am
5869 Views


A woman goes to a cocktail bar and says, "I'd like a double entrendre." The bartender says, "I'll give you one!"



Above is a Sourtoe Cocktail, a speciality of the Downtown Hotel in Dawson City, Yukon. For $5, customers can drink the cocktail, served with an amputated toe, and join the Sourtoe Cocktail Club if they comply with the following rule: “You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow. But the lips have gotta touch the toe.”

The Sourtoe Cocktail is usually served with whisky; over 30 are served each day. Since September 1973, when Dick Stevenson found a severed big toe preserved in a jar and invented the cocktail, there are well over 100,000 members of the Sourtoe Cocktail Club.

The Club had a fine of $500 for anybody swallowing the toe in the cocktail. But recently one New Orleans man drank the cocktail and swallowed the toe. When challenged, he calmly placed $500 on the bar, walked off and left town. The Club has now increased the fine to $2,500. The Club is always looking out for replacement severed toes.


Would you drink a Sourtoe Cocktail?
What are your favourite cocktails?
Do you drink mocktails?


My favourite cocktails are a B-52, a Bloody Mary and a Mojito. I don’t drink mocktails; they’re an expensive way of staying sober!

B-52 cocktails:


Bloody Mary cocktails:


Mojito cocktails:
35 Comments
FUCKITY FUCK
Posted:Aug 23, 2021 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:39 am
6384 Views


"Fuck it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck."

These are the opening lines uttered by Hugh Grant in the 1994 classic film, Four Weddings and a Funeral. The actor also got to say "fuck-a-doodle-doo" in the film. Hugh Grant gets all the best lines!

Aston University's Robbie Love recently found that swearing in Britain is in decline. He compared the use of the most common swear words between 1994 and 2014; swearing declined by 27.6 per cent during this period.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Robbie Love found that fuck replaced bloody as the most popular swear word in Britain. Bloody seems very tame nowadays, though I never used the word in front of my parents and especially in front of my strict grandparents!

Shit is the second most popular swear word. I don't know what the fuck came third!

Furthermore, again not surprisingly, Robbie Love found that men swear more than women and that younger people swear more than older people.


Do you swear a lot, a little or not at all?
What are your most favourite swear words?
What are your least favourite swear words?


I swear a little though a lot depends on the company I'm keeping. When I do swear, I'm a fuck person!

There are no swear words that are off-limits for me, but I don't like being called a prat or a twat. They're too dismissive as if the person who's swearing at me can't be bothered with me. I'd sooner be called a knob or a cunt because then I know I've got under their skin!


23 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
EMOJI USERS HAVE MORE SEX (10)joisygirl
Sep 19, 2021 9:37 am
R STANDS FOR ROGER (25)MustaschRide99
Sep 16, 2021 7:58 am
ANYONE FOR DP? (42)BiSussi
Sep 14, 2021 10:03 pm
FRIDAY IS A FUNNY DAY (23)lindoboy100
Sep 13, 2021 7:19 am
MY LIFE THROUGH BOOKS (27)lindoboy100
Sep 13, 2021 7:16 am
I WENT YEARS WITHOUT SEX (40)PonyGirl1965
Sep 10, 2021 12:27 am
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (108)flannel_light
Sep 9, 2021 2:03 pm
WHEREVER I LAY MY HAT (37)dumplin6969
Sep 9, 2021 1:12 pm
AT THE ZOO (31)lindoboy100
Sep 5, 2021 9:32 am
PEEING YOUR PANTS IS COOL (43)jack52803
Sep 2, 2021 7:26 pm
I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHADES (33)scoupe42
Sep 2, 2021 6:29 am